Wednesday 30 March 2011

So, casual racism is ok now?

Shocking in 1967, commonplace today, right? Er... no.

As if we didn’t have enough to worry about with Rastamouse (who is actually pretty awesome, although I can see the potential problem with a lot of white 5-years-olds imitating Jamaican patois at kindergarten) we have a new scandal; Brian True-May, executive producer of Midsomer Murders (I think you need to be over 50) has ignited a race row. Mr True-May proclaimed “We just don't have ethnic minorities involved. Because it wouldn't be the English village with them. It just wouldn't work. We're the last bastion of Englishness and I want to keep it that way.”

I can’t really be bothered to examine this nasty little piece of bigotry; let’s just say, if he wasn’t racist, he might have said something like “We’ve researched this and found there just aren’t many ethnic minorities living in small English villages (strange but true) so we were trying to keep the proportions realistic.” Instead, he made it sound like English villages must have be segregated in order to be respectable.

A lot of people seem ready to leap to his defence, although most letters of support seems to run along the lines of “I’m definitely not racist, some of my best friends are black... and even I don’t think darkies should be allowed in a nice ITV drama.”

How is it that in 2011, we are still having these debates? And how is it that the number of black Hollywood stars has barely increased since the fifties? And that Asian nationalities are represented by... well, Jackie Chan and Lucy Liu? And that Indians are rarely allowed on the silver screen unless they are part of a comedy / drama about a stereotypical “Indian family”, or in a slum?

What makes it worse is that when anyone “of colour” does make it into the flicks, changes are made in the script to allow for this. I recently watched Sorority Row (don’t judge me, I have a weakness for rubbishy horror films) and one of the first lines was that of the “snobby bitch” character to the token Asian girl; “I like being your friend, because it makes me multi-cultural, without having to do anything.” Is inter-racial friendship really so unusual that it needs to be commented on? Um... maybe it is.



Dexter and his pal Mazuka:  
"How do you remember that? It wasn't even a homicide."
"Cheung is Asian, bro. He makes us all look bad."
              
Will Smith is one of those gifted actors who can carry a movie single-handedly, and his universal popularity has resulted in a string of varied roles. But I find it frustrating that screenwriters seem unable to resist the temptation to make some reference to his colour. Of course, this may be totally down to him – he knows that calling himself a “brother” and making racial jokes gets laughs. His first line in Men in Black came as he jumped off a bridge onto an open-top bus, telling surprised passengers "It just be rainin' black people in New York!" Now, Chris O’Donnell was originally in line for this role. Perhaps we should count it as a bonus that a non-white actor got the role at all, but... what are the chances that Chris O’Donnell’s first line would have been “It just be rainin' white people in New York!"?

Likewise, JLo may well have signed a contract saying she will not make any films unless she at least mentions being a “Latina”. It’s almost as if the film makers feel some need to “explain” or apologise for the presence of a non-white character.

Sidney Poitier was the go-to guy for racial dramas in the 50s and 60s, Richard Pryor was the butt of the black jokes (even if he was the one making them) in the 60s and 70s, and Eddie Murphy basically owned the 80s with a string of classics. (Not to mention the timeless genius of Bill Cosby.) Considering that the Civil Rights Act was only signed in 1964, and Martin Luther King jr was assassinated in 1968, maybe it’s amazing that we’ve come so far.

But we still have a long way to go. I’ve noticed that a lot of people will make “racist” jokes in a sniggering, Ricky Gervais “You know I’m not really racist, so it’s ok for me to say this,” kind of way. I was recently chatting to some colleagues about dodgy areas of London, rife with drug dealers, and one said to the other “You know about that sort of thing, don’t you? You’re black!”

Of course, it’s 2011, and he was “joking” so it couldn’t possibly be racist, right? Well, it irritated me, and I’m white, so I don’t have to listen to stuff like that every day. But I imagine if you are a member of any ethnic minority*, and people make “jokes” like this all the time, every day, and each of them thinks it’s ok, and you’re not allowed to be offended because that would mean you didn’t have a sense of humour – well, I imagine that must be pretty flipping tedious. (It's also useful to bear in mind that "I was only joking!" is the hallmark of an abuser, in life generally.)

(*I know. "Ethnic minority" sounds kind of patronising, as whether you're a minority or not kind of depends on your geographical location.)

It’s said that Dennis Haysbert’s portrayal of David Palmer in 24 opened up the way for Obama by getting people used to the idea of a black president. Casting agents – you can change the world! Maybe one day we'll see a black guy cast in a Shakespeare play other than Othello, or feature in a horror film without making any jokes about being the first to go. Maybe an Asian girl will play a character who isn't a kung-foo expert or dominatrix. 

Here’s hoping Hollywood will catch up with reality.

Sunday 20 March 2011

Crackpot theories 101

Of course, only a fool would cut their hair while the
 moon was in Aries. It's so dry and barren, y'know?

Following on from last month’s post, I  now find myself aligned with a distinguished group of people – tree huggers, if you will – who may be said to be so open-minded that their brains need to be strapped in to keep them from falling out.

You know you’ve taken the crazy train one stop too far into Kooksville when you cut your hair according to the moon (not to mention when you find yourself saying “Well, don’t MANIFEST it!” when a friend is being pessimistic).

But last night was the “Supermoon” – the biggest perigree moon in about 20 years. I don’t know about you, but I was somewhat surprised to see that it was pretty average looking – from the newspaper’s reports, I think I'd been expecting to look outside and see it looming at my window like  the eye of a T-rex.

Turns out the moon is a powerful force, and it affects more than just our oceans. I think almost every practitioner of “magick” would attest that certain charms work best while the moon is waxing (growing) and some when it’s waning (shrinking). Fans of “biodynamic” gardening use the entire system of zodiac signs – through which the moon passes every month – to give their crops an advantage. Turns out that when the moon is in a water sign, it’s a good time to plant leafy crops, but naturally, earth signs are better for root vegetables.

This may sound a little bit... how can I put it... MENTAL, but hey, it’s no sillier than the idea of the moon pulling the tides back and forth, and we all believe that. Truth is stranger than fiction, that’s fo sho. And the Old Farmer's Almanac has acknowledged the moon's influence for yonks.

When you think about it, it's logical that Lady Luna should have a compelling influence on crops, what with the gravitational pull affecting the water levels in soil. And the fact that humans (and animals) are largely made up of water could explain why so many pet owners and police officers can attest that the full moon brings out the beast in the best of us.

But hair? Rational thought would suggest that your roots can’t be affected by what’s happening to the ends, so how could a cut affect how fast your hair grows? https://morroccomethod.com/lunar-hair-chart goes some way to explain it, suggesting that you can “shock” your hair into growing. Sounds screwy, but who knows?

I am terrible at getting my hair cut – forget 6 weeks, I've been known to leave it for 6 months. But hoping that the moon would magically transform my hair, I booked myself in for a trim to coincide with the Supermoon grand appearance (and so close to the Spring Equinox, too! Bonus).

Being a commitment-phobe and cheap to boot, I’ve never established a long relationship with any hairdresser for long, preferring to look out for special offers or using college students. (Although I haven't used the latter since a slightly traumatic experience; the (BO-challenged) young man had clearly spent most of his time working on model heads which didn’t answer back or say “ow”. Cue four hours of of head yanking and vigorous, painful combing. He kept saying “Ooh, sorry,” every time I winced – I was tempted to snarl “Don’t be sorry, just stop f-ing doing it!” but I didn’t, because I am far too polite.)

Remember those ads with a voice-over which started “We all know blow-drying and styling is bad for our hair, but we still do it....” ? Well, actually, I don’t. In fact, the only time a hairdryer ever comes near my head is when it’s being wielded by a hairdresser. The rest of the time, I use a towel and then air-dry. I think I last used a curling tong about 2 years ago, and I don’t straighten. So, I find it more than a little ironic when stylists recommend (extortionately priced) “caring” shampoos to me while the air is actually filled with the aroma of my burning hair as they scrape it around with a hairbrush and hairdryer to leave it poker straight. It's best not to take them too seriously; I once had one who told me my hair was “really split” the first time I went to see her, before saying a few months later “your hair is so much better since you’re been seeing me”. Ladies and gentlemen, I had done NOTHING differently. Mind games, I tell you!

As for the moon; you have to get your hair cut some time, right? So why not do a scientific experiment, rather than dismiss it because it doesn't "sound" true?